[few people have seen Billy truly terrified. only his father and Eleven have seen it up close. but he is, now, quite terrified of himself.
it takes him a moment: he’s quiet, he doesn’t know what to say, really, while he contemplates the danger of this. how easily Eddie assumes he knows that Billy is good, that Billy is himself. he wants to argue until he’s out of breath, because Billy wasn’t even good before Vecna had control of him.
he’s not even very good now.
maybe that’s why he slides his jacket off. why he is turns enough to show the scar on his arm, the way it’s slightly darker than it should be. why he takes Eddie’s hand to feel the heat of it, the way it thrums a little like a heart beat, and then how something under the skin seems to seep out into Eddie’s palm, then dissipates.
the connection is a strange thing, even for Billy. for a moment he’s seeing double, can hear his own heart in his ears, can feel his own anxiety - and then it’s a lot more. it’s noise, it’s like having Eddie so close he’s nestled somewhere in his chest. it’s overwhelmingly good, like Billy’s been alone his entire life and finally, finally someone’s come along and said his name.
Billy’s head is noisy on its own. his emotions are chaotic things, they’re turbulent, they’re messy. it takes a minute for him to distinguish them from Eddie’s, to pull them back in. except, when he does, he’s looking at himself, just for a second, before he’s back to looking at Eddie, wide eyed and slightly awed. ]
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it takes him a moment: he’s quiet, he doesn’t know what to say, really, while he contemplates the danger of this. how easily Eddie assumes he knows that Billy is good, that Billy is himself. he wants to argue until he’s out of breath, because Billy wasn’t even good before Vecna had control of him.
he’s not even very good now.
maybe that’s why he slides his jacket off. why he is turns enough to show the scar on his arm, the way it’s slightly darker than it should be. why he takes Eddie’s hand to feel the heat of it, the way it thrums a little like a heart beat, and then how something under the skin seems to seep out into Eddie’s palm, then dissipates.
the connection is a strange thing, even for Billy. for a moment he’s seeing double, can hear his own heart in his ears, can feel his own anxiety - and then it’s a lot more. it’s noise, it’s like having Eddie so close he’s nestled somewhere in his chest. it’s overwhelmingly good, like Billy’s been alone his entire life and finally, finally someone’s come along and said his name.
Billy’s head is noisy on its own. his emotions are chaotic things, they’re turbulent, they’re messy. it takes a minute for him to distinguish them from Eddie’s, to pull them back in. except, when he does, he’s looking at himself, just for a second, before he’s back to looking at Eddie, wide eyed and slightly awed. ]