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Hurt enough the first time.
[ Steve sighs, feeling exhausted from the inside-out. He wanted to get more info on whether this Back To Life bullshit is permanent or whatever the case may be, and it feels like he pissed off one of the people he was trying to help. Both, technically, but Eddie is now offering dinner so Steve supposes he's been forgiven. ]
Whatever you want. [ And, ] I'll apologise properly tonight.
[ Steve sighs, feeling exhausted from the inside-out. He wanted to get more info on whether this Back To Life bullshit is permanent or whatever the case may be, and it feels like he pissed off one of the people he was trying to help. Both, technically, but Eddie is now offering dinner so Steve supposes he's been forgiven. ]
Whatever you want. [ And, ] I'll apologise properly tonight.
[ The gentleness calms his lingering nerves and he tips his head against his phone as he talks, nodding even though he can't be seen. Just like that, this isn't really about Billy anymore, he was just the catalyst. ]
I don't want to screw things up again.
[ And it's not really about this little tiff today, either. ]
I don't want to screw things up again.
[ And it's not really about this little tiff today, either. ]
[ Knowing he would have to share this at some point doesn't make it any easier to admit or dredge back up. ]
Nance, she. She, uh, said we were bullshit. That I was bullshit, actually. It really hurt. She was right, but it still gutted me. Turns out that for all my dating I'm shitty with people long-term.
I don't want to be a bullshit boyfriend to you too. That's all.
Nance, she. She, uh, said we were bullshit. That I was bullshit, actually. It really hurt. She was right, but it still gutted me. Turns out that for all my dating I'm shitty with people long-term.
I don't want to be a bullshit boyfriend to you too. That's all.
[ right on the money. ]
Steve... [ he lets the word hang heavy in the air. ] The guy you were back then? Not the guy you are now. You think he would've gone out of his way to clear my name? Drove all the way up to my little hide-y hole to bring creature comforts and company?
[ ... ]
I don't know the first thing about dating, but I know you're not bullshit.
Steve... [ he lets the word hang heavy in the air. ] The guy you were back then? Not the guy you are now. You think he would've gone out of his way to clear my name? Drove all the way up to my little hide-y hole to bring creature comforts and company?
[ ... ]
I don't know the first thing about dating, but I know you're not bullshit.
[ he scrubs a hand down his face, then shoves it through his hair. what does he even say. he scratches his throat, lets the words hang a little longer. if they're doing emotional honesty, then... ]
Being queer back home means you can't live out in the open. I always knew just how much of being me I could get away with being. Wasn't safe for me to come any further out of the closet, and wasn't safe for anybody dumb enough to hop onboard the freak train. They can spread the rumors all that want, but if they ever got any concrete proof...
[ he was already the town pariah. eddie sinks down further against his headboard. ]
Being queer back home means you can't live out in the open. I always knew just how much of being me I could get away with being. Wasn't safe for me to come any further out of the closet, and wasn't safe for anybody dumb enough to hop onboard the freak train. They can spread the rumors all that want, but if they ever got any concrete proof...
[ he was already the town pariah. eddie sinks down further against his headboard. ]
I get it. [ Because of Robin. ] I mean, I see your point.
[ Time was, Steve was calling people queer and beating them up. Would he have beaten up Eddie? Not if that moment with the broken bottle was anything to go by in recent months, sure, but with a hoard of high schools goons at his back like Tommy H? He doesn't want to think about it.
He aims for a slightly lighter tone. ]
... So what you're saying is, I'm your first boyfriend.
[ Time was, Steve was calling people queer and beating them up. Would he have beaten up Eddie? Not if that moment with the broken bottle was anything to go by in recent months, sure, but with a hoard of high schools goons at his back like Tommy H? He doesn't want to think about it.
He aims for a slightly lighter tone. ]
... So what you're saying is, I'm your first boyfriend.
[ eddie munson wears his reputation like armor. he's dangerous. he's mean, he's scary. he keeps everyone at arm's length and thrives on appearing unpredictable and wild, so they know better than to try. it wasn't always this way. back when he had a shaved head and no tattoos, back when people would gang up on him. wreck what little he hard. always keep him on the outside looking in.
but that wasn't where he'd learned to fight back.
the levity keeps him from wandering too far down that path. ]
You are. And the only date you've taken me out on involved a third wheel. So maybe you should be planning to make that up to me.
but that wasn't where he'd learned to fight back.
the levity keeps him from wandering too far down that path. ]
You are. And the only date you've taken me out on involved a third wheel. So maybe you should be planning to make that up to me.
Yeah. Come over.
[ ... Hurriedly shoving some dirty laundry in the right basket as he hangs up. Bit of tidying, then back on the bed as he waits for Eddie. Steve is antsy, heels digging into his duvet as he tries to be patient; as soon as he gets Eddie in his arms ...
His imagination is a hunting ground for one man called Munson. ]
[ ... Hurriedly shoving some dirty laundry in the right basket as he hangs up. Bit of tidying, then back on the bed as he waits for Eddie. Steve is antsy, heels digging into his duvet as he tries to be patient; as soon as he gets Eddie in his arms ...
His imagination is a hunting ground for one man called Munson. ]
[ usually other people's emotional baggage is his secret to keep. eddie doesn't go around telling other people's stories. it's the price to pay when you're easy to talk to and have a knack for picking up the damage.
the door opens and he sing-songs a honey, i'm home before flicking the lock and stepping inside, taking stock of the clean room with the visible floor and marveling as he does every single time. ]
the door opens and he sing-songs a honey, i'm home before flicking the lock and stepping inside, taking stock of the clean room with the visible floor and marveling as he does every single time. ]
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