[he listens; mouths throuple to himself like it’s a new word, but he’s quiet. he’s listening, understanding. it’s exhausting - he gets it. he lived with a man who took that insecurity to the extremes, and Steve isn’t that, but it’s.
is it a trigger? christ, maybe. he’s up before he really knows what’s doing. sliding in beside Eddie, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and holding tight. he doesn’t think about it when he presses a kiss to his temple. ] I don’t care how good he is, or how much I care about him - but you make it fucking clear to him that he doesn’t get to make you feel guilty about who you’re close to.
[ there's that shared tendril. the thing that eddie recognized from the start. same damage, packaged different. eddie leans against him, nodding.
it's not what steve's trying to do. he knows it. and he knows so many of the little fantasies steve has about what they can be back in hawkins... won't hold up. they won't be able to walk down the street. make out under the stars at the drive-in. they'll have to be careful, be secret, because hawkins fucking hates eddie munson and the idea that he's queer is more an insult than a reality. ]
I won't. [ he lets out a hollow laugh. ] Learned that doesn't make anybody happy a looooong time ago.
[Billy doesn’t let go. keeps his arm tight, leans back to nod, to find some reassurance in Eddie’s tone. he shouldn’t project, he knows, but the possibility of it scares him. it’s his own personal ghost, really. it doesn’t leave. ]
Who knew cheating death would be this goddamn complicated, huh.
[he is projecting the whole memory. the hot chocolate, the attempt at tenderness, Steve straight up holding the door before following Billy out to yell some more. ]
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is it a trigger? christ, maybe. he’s up before he really knows what’s doing. sliding in beside Eddie, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and holding tight. he doesn’t think about it when he presses a kiss to his temple. ] I don’t care how good he is, or how much I care about him - but you make it fucking clear to him that he doesn’t get to make you feel guilty about who you’re close to.
[yeah, it might be a trigger. ]
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it's not what steve's trying to do. he knows it. and he knows so many of the little fantasies steve has about what they can be back in hawkins... won't hold up. they won't be able to walk down the street. make out under the stars at the drive-in. they'll have to be careful, be secret, because hawkins fucking hates eddie munson and the idea that he's queer is more an insult than a reality. ]
I won't. [ he lets out a hollow laugh. ] Learned that doesn't make anybody happy a looooong time ago.
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Who knew cheating death would be this goddamn complicated, huh.
[ha. ]
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[ but that's...
that's fine.
it is. because - eddie had never had all that much of this in life. and even if its hard... its... its better. ]
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[rivals and all that. Billy would be the villain etc. ] Kind of falls apart if I’m trying to make out with you too.
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[ though. ]
... He really showed you to the door?
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[he is projecting the whole memory. the hot chocolate, the attempt at tenderness, Steve straight up holding the door before following Billy out to yell some more. ]
You see. Might never recover from that rejection.
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but... ]
He really has no idea that we see him for him, does he.
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[god help them.]
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[ he grabs a potato skin, taking a bite of it with a sigh. ]
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[ ... ]
Loving yourself... that's something you gotta learn how to do. Otherwise, you're never gonna feel like you're enough.
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[he’s picking at his food. distracted. a little lost, maybe.]
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[ ... ]
Is it bad I'm terrified to face him?
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[he gets his fries to go. flags down for the check and gently pulls Eddie to go, too.
it’s now or never, really. ]
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or at least as ready as they'll ever be. eddie looks Stressed but prepared. ]
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he’s not scared of Robin Buckley, but he is wary.
still, off they go, Billy maybe driving less like a lunatic just to make the time stretch.]