ic inbox.

[heatmetal]

[ his voicemail greeting is just a guitar riff ]

Comments

[heatmetal]

BOTH.

[camarod]

for fuck sake pick one or jack off

[heatmetal]

[ Steve's asleep and he's just buzzing with anxious energy. There's a new buzz in the mix, underneath the usual Eddie energy. This one speaks to... Fear?

Abandonment. Fear of abandonment. Or rejection. Or loss. It's kind of a swirling mess. And after a night not in control, he feels... Raw. Exposed. ]

Sorry man. Lot on my mind.

[camarod]

[it's a Lot. Billy - well. he peaks, for a second. looks through Eddie's eyes at Steve sleeping, trying to find some kind of context; a clue. ]

what the hell is going on man? you're giving ME a panic attack

[heatmetal]

[ ..... ]

I saw your video.

[camarod]

[oh. fuck. ]

which one

[heatmetal]

the one with my shirt

[camarod]

[hard to tell if this is his own anxiety, really.

still. ]

oh yeah.
i took steve up on his idea. looks like he was right

[heatmetal]

Hold on, his idea? What idea?

[camarod]

he said i should use a shirt to make it more believable? numbers don't lie, dude.

[this spike of anxiety is all him, because it's real guilty, it stinks of deflection.]

[heatmetal]

That looked a little more than believable.

[ and just that buzz of anxiety. ]

[camarod]

did you watch the whole thing?

[heatmetal]

Yeah, B.

[camarod]

[fuck fuck fuck fuck. ]

why

[heatmetal]

[ that's a good question. a better one is why he's having this conversation right after he and Steve said the l word.

It seemed real.
Was waiting for you to break character.

[camarod]

did you feel me while i was filming

[heatmetal]

I always do.

[camarod]

[fuck.]

yeah.

[heatmetal]

[ a small stretch of silence. ]

Are you home or at the studio?

[camarod]

home.

[heatmetal]

Meet me on the roof?

[camarod]

[fuck fuck fuck fuck]

k.

[fuck it. ]

[heatmetal]

[ he's carefully untangling himself from Steve. Offering a 'bathroom' if the other man stirs enough to be aware of it.

And then he's heading to the roof. Lighting up a cigarette, leaning against the railing and looking over the city. Trying to swallow down the buzz of stress and fear. ]

[camarod]

[he's got the sense to pull on boxers - a sweater that might be Steve's, if he looked twice.

the anxiety feedback is exhausting, honestly, but. yeah, okay. he brought it on himself. he's quiet, on his way up: hyper-aware of robin and chrissy, aware of waking anyone in this god forsaken house and making a bigger shitshow.

so he's quiet, when he slips through the door. barefoot, feeling a little sick; a little worried. ]

[heatmetal]

[ billy has been in his head long enough to know that occasionally, Eddie is overwhelmed. and that almost always translates itself wrong - anger and shouting, sometimes crying if he's exceptionally fucked up while it's happening.

But he's calm around Billy. Or at least, less afraid of showing that he can be ugly and awful when he's reached the end of his short tether. Even if he's still vibrating under his skin. ]

So... I'm gonna need you to use your words, big guy. [ he glances over his shoulder, cigarette dangling between his fingers. ] I knew you were into Steve, but... That about the vampire?