[ he holds out his hand for the cigarette, taking a long drag as he mulls it over.
he loves Steve. Told him he loved him. Trusted him enough to let him rail him as a monster and himself. That's not nothing.
And neither is this thing with billy. ]
... We talk to Steve. [ he clicks his tongue. ] But... [ he turns to billy, expression serious. ] not if all you want to do is fuck him. Or me. Has to be both of us, and it has to be more than just sex. He's got a big soft heart and he's tired of being used up and abandoned.
[he's quiet again. feels like he's suspended, somewhere; floating, or falling. he looks at Eddie, really looks at him with those blue eyes, fucking wet again and it's like a dam breaks, inside of him. he doesn't know how to vocalise it; has never said i love you to a single person beyond his mother and meant it. isn't sure he knows how.
so he let's all go; opens up the months of longing, the wanting, the absolute ache of giving a shit, of falling for Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson, and pushes it towards Eddie. the fondness, the misery of it, the absolute secret, private delight of having them accept him. the fear of rejection; the fear that Steve doesn't even really like him, that he's been tolerated for Eddie's sake. that he's just been tolerated, period.
in the middle of it is love; the fear of losing them. of not fitting, of not being good enough. the hurt, finally, that Eddie would think he just wants to fuck them.]
[ it's a lot to parse all at once. And proof that if they hadn't formed this bond - this conversation probably wouldn't be happening. Billy bottles up, Eddie avoids, Steve is oblivious. ]
I know, B. [ maybe not the depth of it until now. And kissing is off the table until they talk to Steve. But his hand drops to billys and gives a squeeze. ] I didn't mean it like that. I'm just - I'm just saying, Steve's afraid of being replaced. Ans if you want this, and if he's onboard with this, fuck knows Harrington's more for the 80s than either of us... It's us. The three of us. Just the three of us. And, I guess, your billion OnlyStans followers.
[His laugh is sudden, slightly weak, and takes him by surprise -] Fuck you for making me laugh when I'm having a meltdown, [he says, and squeezes Eddie's hand. he wants to kiss him; the possibility of it is just hanging there, in this fucking limbo, and -
and instead he pulls Eddie in for an embrace, presses his nose to his hair and squeezes. indulges. ] If he says no, it's - it's fine. I'm a big boy. But promise me we'll be good.
[he's so smitten. even if he weren't, the thought of losing Eddie is so frightening. he thinks, maybe, this is why he avoided making real connections after Cali: just because of how much it fucking hurt when he had to let go. ]
You think we can sleep now? Pocket the rest of this for a tomorrow conversation?
[ he is actually dead tired and would like to get a proper night's sleep. He hugs billy a little longer and then steps back, stubbing out the cigarette and flicking it off the balcony. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 01:56 am (UTC)he loves Steve. Told him he loved him. Trusted him enough to let him rail him as a monster and himself. That's not nothing.
And neither is this thing with billy. ]
... We talk to Steve. [ he clicks his tongue. ] But... [ he turns to billy, expression serious. ] not if all you want to do is fuck him. Or me. Has to be both of us, and it has to be more than just sex. He's got a big soft heart and he's tired of being used up and abandoned.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:04 am (UTC)so he let's all go; opens up the months of longing, the wanting, the absolute ache of giving a shit, of falling for Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson, and pushes it towards Eddie. the fondness, the misery of it, the absolute secret, private delight of having them accept him. the fear of rejection; the fear that Steve doesn't even really like him, that he's been tolerated for Eddie's sake. that he's just been tolerated, period.
in the middle of it is love; the fear of losing them. of not fitting, of not being good enough. the hurt, finally, that Eddie would think he just wants to fuck them.]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:13 am (UTC)I know, B. [ maybe not the depth of it until now. And kissing is off the table until they talk to Steve. But his hand drops to billys and gives a squeeze. ] I didn't mean it like that. I'm just - I'm just saying, Steve's afraid of being replaced. Ans if you want this, and if he's onboard with this, fuck knows Harrington's more for the 80s than either of us... It's us. The three of us. Just the three of us. And, I guess, your billion OnlyStans followers.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:18 am (UTC)and instead he pulls Eddie in for an embrace, presses his nose to his hair and squeezes. indulges. ] If he says no, it's - it's fine. I'm a big boy. But promise me we'll be good.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:20 am (UTC)Hate to tell you this but you're stuck with me now, Billy Hargrove.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:24 am (UTC)[he's so smitten. even if he weren't, the thought of losing Eddie is so frightening. he thinks, maybe, this is why he avoided making real connections after Cali: just because of how much it fucking hurt when he had to let go. ]
You think we can sleep now? Pocket the rest of this for a tomorrow conversation?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:27 am (UTC)[ he is actually dead tired and would like to get a proper night's sleep. He hugs billy a little longer and then steps back, stubbing out the cigarette and flicking it off the balcony. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-30 02:29 am (UTC)