eddie licks his lips, looking back up into his friend's bright blue eyes.
it occurs to him that this might be what they need. that billy could be the key to saving all of those who fell victim to vecna. a means to connect to them, to anchor them to reality and safety. ]
Okay. [ okay. okay. okay. ] B, I trust you, man. If you wanted to hurt me, you would've done it by now. So... Try me.
[he tries for firm, even pulls his hand away, tries to recoil. it just comes out weak, a little broken. ]
No. Absolutely fucking not.
[his arm is searing, though, along with his chest, his back, his hips. that conscious desire to pull Eddie in, to anchor him to the already fragile pieces of his own psyche. ]
[ and if it is vecna, then - then they'll know. and he can tell steve. but he's not going to drop that little fear. he's just going to hold tighter to his hand. ]
[few people have seen Billy truly terrified. only his father and Eleven have seen it up close. but he is, now, quite terrified of himself.
it takes him a moment: he’s quiet, he doesn’t know what to say, really, while he contemplates the danger of this. how easily Eddie assumes he knows that Billy is good, that Billy is himself. he wants to argue until he’s out of breath, because Billy wasn’t even good before Vecna had control of him.
he’s not even very good now.
maybe that’s why he slides his jacket off. why he is turns enough to show the scar on his arm, the way it’s slightly darker than it should be. why he takes Eddie’s hand to feel the heat of it, the way it thrums a little like a heart beat, and then how something under the skin seems to seep out into Eddie’s palm, then dissipates.
the connection is a strange thing, even for Billy. for a moment he’s seeing double, can hear his own heart in his ears, can feel his own anxiety - and then it’s a lot more. it’s noise, it’s like having Eddie so close he’s nestled somewhere in his chest. it’s overwhelmingly good, like Billy’s been alone his entire life and finally, finally someone’s come along and said his name.
Billy’s head is noisy on its own. his emotions are chaotic things, they’re turbulent, they’re messy. it takes a minute for him to distinguish them from Eddie’s, to pull them back in. except, when he does, he’s looking at himself, just for a second, before he’s back to looking at Eddie, wide eyed and slightly awed. ]
[ it takes a lot not to scream. eddie's heart is hammering frantically in his chest, the urge to run so strong he feels himself shaking. but he ran once. he ran hard, and fast, and chrissy cunningham died a lonely death.
he won't allow it to happen again.
it's a lot. all at once. sudden connection that he can't explain. being linked to billy in a way that goes beyond this physical contact. it's more intimate. he presses his lips together in a thin line, uncertain as to exactly what has occurred. ]
[is he? maybe? maybe. he doesn't feel that desire to consume, the way he had before. doesn't feel the need to press in and reshape the chemistry of Eddie's brain until he's working his strings, making wrong feels right. instead he feels sort of - content? like there's something warm just at the edge of his peripherals that he can reach out for, if he needs it.
he can feel some of that trepidation, though. that loose, lingering anxiety of Eddie's. the uncertainty under that determination. he sees Eddie Munson, and wonders if Eddie can see him too. ]
Yeah - yeah I think so. [he wants to squeeze that hand again, so he does. ] You're freaked out. I can feel it.
Yeah, no offense, but psychic powers haven't treated me so good in the past.
[ but he can... feel it. a subtle pressure on his mind that he's certain is billy. the chaotic riot of feeling that is everything billy hargrove is and could be. ]
Shit - Eddie, you shouldn't have. [That little spike of regret and panic is all Billy. he's reaching, squeezing that hands, fingers threaded through - what? reassure? how do you even comfort someone with this?
he breathes. he takes pause. doesn't want to know if he can read Eddie's mind, but figures, yeah okay, he should know. should know if that's a boundary they have to set. Eddie's head is a tapestry; winding paths to the conscious thought and he frowns, searching and searching - ]
[ okay. okay. it's fine. it's fine. fuck - if there's anybody he can trust in his head, it's billy. so many of their demons are identical. eddie just... wears his less obviously. ]
Nah, nah, let me get the hang of this - [it's like leaving a warm bath, which is not really a thought he ever imagined having about Eddie's innermost thoughts. ]
Can you read my mind? [surely? if he wants him to? he thinks bats, because he's mean. ]
[ oh yeah this is gonna be a whole thing, isn't it. the fluttery uncertainty billy feels when faced with affirmations is - well it was obvious from a distance. it's sort of upsetting up close. eddie threads his fingers through his bedhead, tilting his head back. ]
[there is, for one blissful whole thirty-forty seconds, a huge swell of gratitude, of fondness. of relief to have someone be able to know him without the preamble of having to say what he means, what he feels. without having to explain himself.
then it's back to that wired uncertainty; that age old Billy Terror of messing up. ]
We gotta tell Steve. I'll figure how to to pull myself out - I know it's a lot -
No, no like - I just wanna sit in there for a bit. Like a hot shower? I don't fucking know dude. Like when you're a kid and you wanna go through your folks stuff, or just sit on their bed for a bit.
[ there's a brief flash of... something. a messy living space. temporary. spartan. home is a truck and his father's things are in the dash, and whatever is in there is what makes him turn into a different person.
[there is a returning thing: it's bedsheets that smell like floral tones and fresh air. a little like sea salt, warm and safe, and then cold, empty and slightly stale. there's the feeling of missing the sea salt, of missing arms around him, of soft singing. these are all Billy's private things - things that are his. he's making a point.
but then Eddie is close, and Billy feels that other kind of warmth. the relief, the fondness. ]
[ California. No wonder Billy wants to return there, it screams of home for him. ]
B, I'm not worried about you seeing my secrets. [ his life has been messy. but it's his.
it's more the... the emotions that could be bad. the loneliness that claws at him. all the years he spent being othered. ] But the ugly bits are pretty ugly.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-08-17 12:54 pm (UTC)eddie licks his lips, looking back up into his friend's bright blue eyes.
it occurs to him that this might be what they need. that billy could be the key to saving all of those who fell victim to vecna. a means to connect to them, to anchor them to reality and safety. ]
Okay. [ okay. okay. okay. ] B, I trust you, man. If you wanted to hurt me, you would've done it by now. So... Try me.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 12:59 pm (UTC)[he tries for firm, even pulls his hand away, tries to recoil. it just comes out weak, a little broken. ]
No. Absolutely fucking not.
[his arm is searing, though, along with his chest, his back, his hips. that conscious desire to pull Eddie in, to anchor him to the already fragile pieces of his own psyche. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 01:03 pm (UTC)[ his voice is gentle, but firm. ]
You're not Vecna.
[ and if it is vecna, then - then they'll know. and he can tell steve. but he's not going to drop that little fear. he's just going to hold tighter to his hand. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 01:14 pm (UTC)it takes him a moment: he’s quiet, he doesn’t know what to say, really, while he contemplates the danger of this. how easily Eddie assumes he knows that Billy is good, that Billy is himself. he wants to argue until he’s out of breath, because Billy wasn’t even good before Vecna had control of him.
he’s not even very good now.
maybe that’s why he slides his jacket off. why he is turns enough to show the scar on his arm, the way it’s slightly darker than it should be. why he takes Eddie’s hand to feel the heat of it, the way it thrums a little like a heart beat, and then how something under the skin seems to seep out into Eddie’s palm, then dissipates.
the connection is a strange thing, even for Billy. for a moment he’s seeing double, can hear his own heart in his ears, can feel his own anxiety - and then it’s a lot more. it’s noise, it’s like having Eddie so close he’s nestled somewhere in his chest. it’s overwhelmingly good, like Billy’s been alone his entire life and finally, finally someone’s come along and said his name.
Billy’s head is noisy on its own. his emotions are chaotic things, they’re turbulent, they’re messy. it takes a minute for him to distinguish them from Eddie’s, to pull them back in. except, when he does, he’s looking at himself, just for a second, before he’s back to looking at Eddie, wide eyed and slightly awed. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 01:25 pm (UTC)he won't allow it to happen again.
it's a lot. all at once. sudden connection that he can't explain. being linked to billy in a way that goes beyond this physical contact. it's more intimate. he presses his lips together in a thin line, uncertain as to exactly what has occurred. ]
You okay, big guy?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 01:38 pm (UTC)he can feel some of that trepidation, though. that loose, lingering anxiety of Eddie's. the uncertainty under that determination. he sees Eddie Munson, and wonders if Eddie can see him too. ]
Yeah - yeah I think so. [he wants to squeeze that hand again, so he does. ] You're freaked out. I can feel it.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 01:48 pm (UTC)[ but he can... feel it. a subtle pressure on his mind that he's certain is billy. the chaotic riot of feeling that is everything billy hargrove is and could be. ]
... Can you tell what I'm thinking?
[ Potato chips ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 02:01 pm (UTC)he breathes. he takes pause. doesn't want to know if he can read Eddie's mind, but figures, yeah okay, he should know. should know if that's a boundary they have to set. Eddie's head is a tapestry; winding paths to the conscious thought and he frowns, searching and searching - ]
- Chips? I can see - Lays.
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:05 pm (UTC)[ Without venom. it comes as a breathless laugh as Eddie reaches out with his spare hand to snag the bag by the bed, tossing it over to Billy. ]
Sorry to you, man, my mind palace is crumbling and filled with some weird fucky demons.
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:15 pm (UTC)[hard to say whether this is a good or a bad thing. ] It's a little weird pulling out of it.
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:16 pm (UTC)[ okay. okay. it's fine. it's fine. fuck - if there's anybody he can trust in his head, it's billy. so many of their demons are identical. eddie just... wears his less obviously. ]
Are you stuck? Do I need to like... shove you?
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:38 pm (UTC)Can you read my mind? [surely? if he wants him to? he thinks bats, because he's mean. ]
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:41 pm (UTC)You're a dick, you know that right? [ he gestures towards the barred window. ] Bats.
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:45 pm (UTC)Yeah, but that's why you love me.
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:47 pm (UTC)So... are we just psychically linked now?
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Date: 2022-08-17 02:53 pm (UTC)[he isn't sure what to do with that affection now that he's certain it's real! doesn't know what to do with Eddie knowing he's a bit weird about it! ]
God, this might be a nightmare.
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:01 pm (UTC)Welp. In for a penny.
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:13 pm (UTC)then it's back to that wired uncertainty; that age old Billy Terror of messing up. ]
We gotta tell Steve. I'll figure how to to pull myself out - I know it's a lot -
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:18 pm (UTC)[ he holds his hands up, palms out. ]
We can tell Steve once we got a little more of a handle on this.
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:24 pm (UTC)it is a big deal though. ] Okay, okay. I think because it's new, I'm like - gravitating towards you like a magnet?
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 03:25 pm (UTC)Like, you want to have physical contact with me, oooooor?
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:28 pm (UTC)No, no like - I just wanna sit in there for a bit. Like a hot shower? I don't fucking know dude. Like when you're a kid and you wanna go through your folks stuff, or just sit on their bed for a bit.
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:37 pm (UTC)he drops down onto the bed next to him. ]
I'm pretty much an open book.
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Date: 2022-08-17 03:43 pm (UTC)[there is a returning thing: it's bedsheets that smell like floral tones and fresh air. a little like sea salt, warm and safe, and then cold, empty and slightly stale. there's the feeling of missing the sea salt, of missing arms around him, of soft singing. these are all Billy's private things - things that are his. he's making a point.
but then Eddie is close, and Billy feels that other kind of warmth. the relief, the fondness. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-08-17 03:54 pm (UTC)B, I'm not worried about you seeing my secrets. [ his life has been messy. but it's his.
it's more the... the emotions that could be bad. the loneliness that claws at him. all the years he spent being othered. ] But the ugly bits are pretty ugly.
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