[there’s a lot of parks, which means Eddie will know that Billy’s poking around in his head to find him. in and out, before he’s rolling up on the bike.
he’s real surly looking, when he takes the helmet off. real absolutely miserable, but Eddie probably knows that too. ] A park bench, really?
[ Eddie is laying across a park bench, a pack of smokes out with a lit one between his teeth. there is no newspaper blanket - he stopped in at a dollar general and grabbed a little blankey there. ]
Old habits dying hard. Someone tells me to fuck off and leave them alone, I give a wide berth until I know I'm welcome again.
[ not that steve would go after him the way certain other people did if he returned home before he was wanted. but old wounds ache all the same through their mental connection. he sits up. looking tired. maybe a little cried out. ]
[ Eddie chews on his lower lip, sitting up a little. ]
It's not your fault Steve's insecure. It's - mine, because I should've come at it more careful. [ it's his first relationship. and he's just as fucked up and insecure. ] That's why we blew up the first time. The insecurity... I thought we were on better ground now, but...
[ best friends. eddie wraps both arms around him in a bear hug, holds tight. wordlessly i'm a man of my word, you're stuck with me big guy. and then they're off to get food.
eddie orders less than he usually does. turns out stress can quell his insatiable appetite. ]
[it’s reassuring. the fact that he wants to sink into Eddie’s arms is an issue to mope about later.
when they’re seated, Billy does the unthinkable and orders a coffee and poutine. sinks in the booth, texts Robin, and then drags his hands over his face. ]
... He compared me to Nancy Wheeler. How she was getting ready to jump on Jonathan Byers behind his back. When I tried to explain - that's, that's not what I was trying to say, he just shut down.
[ he scrubs a hand down his face, leaning back in his seat. ]
... I get the feeling what he wanted was for me to open up the door and comfort him - even though that's not what he said - but...
[ he just gestures vaguely. letting their shared connection speak for him. trying that one too many times, fucking up by saying the wrong thing. or worse, trying to parent a parent and getting his face broken for the trouble. ]
[he sends a soft wave of comfort; warm, understanding. ]
Yeah. I’m guessing he doesn’t want space from you. [otherwise, Billy could be moping alone right now in his weird little sex studio. ] He probably just wants you to - you know. Be there.
[he thinks. probably. ] He was worried he wasn’t enough. For you. [before he kicked Billy out.] For some reason, can’t imagine why, I don’t think he wanted to hear that he was, from me.
He's... Wheeler really fucked him up, y'know? I underestimated how much... [ taking a sip of his soda. ] ... I've never dated anybody. Fucked around, sure, but nobody wanted to be seen kissing me in public, and I...
[ he licks his lips, brow furrowing as he stares down at the food. ]
Love isn't finite, y'know? I love him. And... feeling those feelings for someone else.. it's not... it's not that he's not enough. I could be with just him, just him until the day I die, and I'd be happy. Even when we're so old our dicks don't work and I gotta scream to be heard... It's not about enough.
[half-smiling. ] Tell him that. He’ll love the part about your wrinkly dick not working.
[does this hurt? well, yeah. it’s not so different from the ache he’s been harboring for months, though. it’s not like Billy isn’t used to being disappointed, or second best. his own dad replaced him - this is a cake walk, practically. ]
You’ll figure it out, man. You’ll be back to being absolutely unbearable in no time.
[ except... is it? eddie chews on the nail of a ringed finger, pursing his lips. ]
... But I don't know if I can do this if any time I get close to someone, he... [ he glances off to the side. then back. ] he thinks I'm gonna run off. Maybe this throuple thing is a non-starter, I don't know, he knew about - they're calling it polyamory these days, and he didn't seem... surprised. But he...
He brought up the fight. Like, from when we barely knew each other. And acted like that was proof. I didn't... [ his brow knits. ] I didn't feel this way until I got to know you. Like... really got to know you. I mean, obviously [ he gestures to billy ] you're smokin'. But feelings are different than just mindless lust.
... and whether we're romantic or platonic, I just know I want you in my life. And if that's gonna be an issue for him...
[he listens; mouths throuple to himself like it’s a new word, but he’s quiet. he’s listening, understanding. it’s exhausting - he gets it. he lived with a man who took that insecurity to the extremes, and Steve isn’t that, but it’s.
is it a trigger? christ, maybe. he’s up before he really knows what’s doing. sliding in beside Eddie, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and holding tight. he doesn’t think about it when he presses a kiss to his temple. ] I don’t care how good he is, or how much I care about him - but you make it fucking clear to him that he doesn’t get to make you feel guilty about who you’re close to.
[ there's that shared tendril. the thing that eddie recognized from the start. same damage, packaged different. eddie leans against him, nodding.
it's not what steve's trying to do. he knows it. and he knows so many of the little fantasies steve has about what they can be back in hawkins... won't hold up. they won't be able to walk down the street. make out under the stars at the drive-in. they'll have to be careful, be secret, because hawkins fucking hates eddie munson and the idea that he's queer is more an insult than a reality. ]
I won't. [ he lets out a hollow laugh. ] Learned that doesn't make anybody happy a looooong time ago.
[Billy doesn’t let go. keeps his arm tight, leans back to nod, to find some reassurance in Eddie’s tone. he shouldn’t project, he knows, but the possibility of it scares him. it’s his own personal ghost, really. it doesn’t leave. ]
Who knew cheating death would be this goddamn complicated, huh.
[he is projecting the whole memory. the hot chocolate, the attempt at tenderness, Steve straight up holding the door before following Billy out to yell some more. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
pt 7 of the great gay disaster
Date: 2022-08-31 11:49 pm (UTC)he’s real surly looking, when he takes the helmet off. real absolutely miserable, but Eddie probably knows that too. ] A park bench, really?
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 12:00 am (UTC)[ Eddie is laying across a park bench, a pack of smokes out with a lit one between his teeth. there is no newspaper blanket - he stopped in at a dollar general and grabbed a little blankey there. ]
Old habits dying hard. Someone tells me to fuck off and leave them alone, I give a wide berth until I know I'm welcome again.
[ not that steve would go after him the way certain other people did if he returned home before he was wanted. but old wounds ache all the same through their mental connection. he sits up. looking tired. maybe a little cried out. ]
Fucked up bad, B.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:04 am (UTC)Not that bad. He and Buckley sent me to get you. Apparently you left your phone.
[do you see this weary look? now they have to Talk About The Telepathy. ]
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:06 am (UTC)[ He brings a hand up, pressing it into his eye. ]
So he's going to be even more insecure and even more certain I'm gonna run the fuck off on him.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:09 am (UTC)[the mindlink. the fight. ]
What we’re gonna do is eat. I’ll drop you off. I’m gonna grab some more of my shit and just, stay at the studio.
[which he thinks will be easier, maybe, for everyone. ] It’ll be easier if he doesn’t have to see me for a while.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:12 am (UTC)[ Eddie chews on his lower lip, sitting up a little. ]
It's not your fault Steve's insecure. It's - mine, because I should've come at it more careful. [ it's his first relationship. and he's just as fucked up and insecure. ] That's why we blew up the first time. The insecurity... I thought we were on better ground now, but...
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:20 am (UTC)[it’s stupid, in hindsight. ]
You guys have a good thing. Don’t - don’t fuck it up over this.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:24 am (UTC)[ he shakes his head, moving to swing his legs off of billy and onto the ground. ]
Nevermind. You said food?
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:27 am (UTC)[best friendzone mode activated.]
I’ll tell you all about how he literally held his door open and told me to get out. Don’t think I’ll ever recover from that one.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:29 am (UTC)I'm gonna shut up, because if I don't, you're gonna get the whole thing. So... fries.
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:32 am (UTC)[best friends. god. he’s on, he’s got the helmet on, they’re going to be the reason Billy gets another traffic violation soon.
but yes: fries. a nice, greasy looking all American diner with loaded fries and skins. ]
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:35 am (UTC)eddie orders less than he usually does. turns out stress can quell his insatiable appetite. ]
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Date: 2022-09-01 12:37 am (UTC)when they’re seated, Billy does the unthinkable and orders a coffee and poutine. sinks in the booth, texts Robin, and then drags his hands over his face. ]
Okay. Spill.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 12:42 am (UTC)... He compared me to Nancy Wheeler. How she was getting ready to jump on Jonathan Byers behind his back. When I tried to explain - that's, that's not what I was trying to say, he just shut down.
[ he scrubs a hand down his face, leaning back in his seat. ]
... I get the feeling what he wanted was for me to open up the door and comfort him - even though that's not what he said - but...
[ he just gestures vaguely. letting their shared connection speak for him. trying that one too many times, fucking up by saying the wrong thing. or worse, trying to parent a parent and getting his face broken for the trouble. ]
So I ran... I was gonna give him some space.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 12:48 am (UTC)[he sends a soft wave of comfort; warm, understanding. ]
Yeah. I’m guessing he doesn’t want space from you. [otherwise, Billy could be moping alone right now in his weird little sex studio. ] He probably just wants you to - you know. Be there.
[he thinks. probably. ] He was worried he wasn’t enough. For you. [before he kicked Billy out.] For some reason, can’t imagine why, I don’t think he wanted to hear that he was, from me.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 12:52 am (UTC)[ eddie sighs. ]
He's... Wheeler really fucked him up, y'know? I underestimated how much... [ taking a sip of his soda. ] ... I've never dated anybody. Fucked around, sure, but nobody wanted to be seen kissing me in public, and I...
[ he licks his lips, brow furrowing as he stares down at the food. ]
Love isn't finite, y'know? I love him. And... feeling those feelings for someone else.. it's not... it's not that he's not enough. I could be with just him, just him until the day I die, and I'd be happy. Even when we're so old our dicks don't work and I gotta scream to be heard... It's not about enough.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 12:59 am (UTC)[half-smiling. ] Tell him that. He’ll love the part about your wrinkly dick not working.
[does this hurt? well, yeah. it’s not so different from the ache he’s been harboring for months, though. it’s not like Billy isn’t used to being disappointed, or second best. his own dad replaced him - this is a cake walk, practically. ]
You’ll figure it out, man. You’ll be back to being absolutely unbearable in no time.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 01:03 am (UTC)... But I don't know if I can do this if any time I get close to someone, he... [ he glances off to the side. then back. ] he thinks I'm gonna run off. Maybe this throuple thing is a non-starter, I don't know, he knew about - they're calling it polyamory these days, and he didn't seem... surprised. But he...
He brought up the fight. Like, from when we barely knew each other. And acted like that was proof. I didn't... [ his brow knits. ] I didn't feel this way until I got to know you. Like... really got to know you. I mean, obviously [ he gestures to billy ] you're smokin'. But feelings are different than just mindless lust.
... and whether we're romantic or platonic, I just know I want you in my life. And if that's gonna be an issue for him...
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 01:11 am (UTC)is it a trigger? christ, maybe. he’s up before he really knows what’s doing. sliding in beside Eddie, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and holding tight. he doesn’t think about it when he presses a kiss to his temple. ] I don’t care how good he is, or how much I care about him - but you make it fucking clear to him that he doesn’t get to make you feel guilty about who you’re close to.
[yeah, it might be a trigger. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 01:14 am (UTC)it's not what steve's trying to do. he knows it. and he knows so many of the little fantasies steve has about what they can be back in hawkins... won't hold up. they won't be able to walk down the street. make out under the stars at the drive-in. they'll have to be careful, be secret, because hawkins fucking hates eddie munson and the idea that he's queer is more an insult than a reality. ]
I won't. [ he lets out a hollow laugh. ] Learned that doesn't make anybody happy a looooong time ago.
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 01:24 am (UTC)Who knew cheating death would be this goddamn complicated, huh.
[ha. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-09-01 01:25 am (UTC)[ but that's...
that's fine.
it is. because - eddie had never had all that much of this in life. and even if its hard... its... its better. ]
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Date: 2022-09-01 01:32 am (UTC)[rivals and all that. Billy would be the villain etc. ] Kind of falls apart if I’m trying to make out with you too.
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Date: 2022-09-01 01:34 am (UTC)[ though. ]
... He really showed you to the door?
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Date: 2022-09-01 01:38 am (UTC)[he is projecting the whole memory. the hot chocolate, the attempt at tenderness, Steve straight up holding the door before following Billy out to yell some more. ]
You see. Might never recover from that rejection.
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