ic inbox.

[heatmetal]

[ his voicemail greeting is just a guitar riff ]

Comments

text; HOURS LATER.

[camarod]

dude i love you but can you decide whether you're horny or having a panic attack i'm trying to sleep

[heatmetal]

BOTH.

[camarod]

for fuck sake pick one or jack off

[heatmetal]

[ Steve's asleep and he's just buzzing with anxious energy. There's a new buzz in the mix, underneath the usual Eddie energy. This one speaks to... Fear?

Abandonment. Fear of abandonment. Or rejection. Or loss. It's kind of a swirling mess. And after a night not in control, he feels... Raw. Exposed. ]

Sorry man. Lot on my mind.

[camarod]

[it's a Lot. Billy - well. he peaks, for a second. looks through Eddie's eyes at Steve sleeping, trying to find some kind of context; a clue. ]

what the hell is going on man? you're giving ME a panic attack

[heatmetal]

[ ..... ]

I saw your video.

[camarod]

[oh. fuck. ]

which one

[heatmetal]

the one with my shirt

[camarod]

[hard to tell if this is his own anxiety, really.

still. ]

oh yeah.
i took steve up on his idea. looks like he was right

[heatmetal]

Hold on, his idea? What idea?

[camarod]

he said i should use a shirt to make it more believable? numbers don't lie, dude.

[this spike of anxiety is all him, because it's real guilty, it stinks of deflection.]

[heatmetal]

That looked a little more than believable.

[ and just that buzz of anxiety. ]

[camarod]

did you watch the whole thing?

[heatmetal]

Yeah, B.

[camarod]

[fuck fuck fuck fuck. ]

why

[heatmetal]

[ that's a good question. a better one is why he's having this conversation right after he and Steve said the l word.

It seemed real.
Was waiting for you to break character.

[camarod]

did you feel me while i was filming

[heatmetal]

I always do.

[camarod]

[fuck.]

yeah.

[heatmetal]

[ a small stretch of silence. ]

Are you home or at the studio?

[camarod]

home.

[heatmetal]

Meet me on the roof?

[camarod]

[fuck fuck fuck fuck]

k.

[fuck it. ]

[heatmetal]

[ he's carefully untangling himself from Steve. Offering a 'bathroom' if the other man stirs enough to be aware of it.

And then he's heading to the roof. Lighting up a cigarette, leaning against the railing and looking over the city. Trying to swallow down the buzz of stress and fear. ]

[camarod]

[he's got the sense to pull on boxers - a sweater that might be Steve's, if he looked twice.

the anxiety feedback is exhausting, honestly, but. yeah, okay. he brought it on himself. he's quiet, on his way up: hyper-aware of robin and chrissy, aware of waking anyone in this god forsaken house and making a bigger shitshow.

so he's quiet, when he slips through the door. barefoot, feeling a little sick; a little worried. ]