ic inbox.

[heatmetal]

[ his voicemail greeting is just a guitar riff ]

Comments

[camarod]

Jesus. Speak for yourself.

[rip to his sex life] And listen, that’s the best part.

[heatmetal]

Not gonna deny that.

[ on either count. ]

[camarod]

Fuck the house, I’ll spend 700K on lube and advil.

[heatmetal]

Now why would you do a thing like that? Lube companies are gonna be lining up to have you pimp their products.

[camarod]

With twenty four hours and six bottles, you too can fit a whole dragon dick up your ass - [he’s cracking up a little.]

[heatmetal]

Only six?

[camarod]

I make every drop count, you waster.

[heatmetal]

And this is why you're the breadwinner.

[camarod]

Look at me, a real man with the fat bank account and two freeloaders who don’t put out. My dad would be so proud.

[he is, alas, still Billy]

[heatmetal]

It's the life my old man dreamed for me. Minus the constant felonies.

[camarod]

Look at us, a real couple of chips off the old block.

[ha!! ]

Anyway, I should keep this place for work. I don’t think I can handle Steve finding a sex toy and asking questions.

[heatmetal]

[ okay, that gets a full cackle. He tries to imagine it. ]

Good idea. It'll be a lot less to explain if the kids show up, too.

[camarod]

We’d need a bigger goddamn house.

[a full on mcmansion -]

Eddie, Eddie stop. Think of my poor dick. Don’t jinx this.

[heatmetal]

Relax. By the time we need a bigger place I'll be filthy rich.

[camarod]

Oh, oh please explain this one to me.

[heatmetal]

Apparently, by 2022 standards, I am both searingly hot and untouchably popular.

[camarod]

Oh shit - you took off? I knew it! They fucking love a dude with a guitar.

[heatmetal]

Yeah, yep. They looooooove the mini painting, too. And the D&D stories. [ Eddie laughs, a little helpless. ] And the cat - shit, have you met Henderson yet?

[camarod]

Shit, I forgot you had a cat.

[heatmetal]

He's a mouthy little shit, just like his namesake.

[ he has no idea where said cat is. but a black lump near the top of the bed stretches out and yawns. ]

[camarod]

Oh, you’re like, imprinting.

[heatmetal]

[ eddie glances over his shoulder, reaching out to grab the moving sootball and holds it up to the camera. the kitten is Small - small enough to still fit fairly comfortably in his hand - and purrs. ]

The real reason Steve and I are dating is because we're co-parenting his six brats.

[camarod]

[oh he’s cute - ]

I’m the cool uncle to that cat only.

[heatmetal]

Obviously.

[camarod]

Maybe that kid with the cool powers.